Impostor Syndrome: The Team Spills the Tea
The goal of Therapy of the Sun is to be as honest with our readers so that you feel seen through the content that is shared. The idea is that when you read our content you see yourself through our stories; this is why we provide mental health services that are relevant and catered to our community. In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month this May, we’ve created a social media campaign to share statistics related to mental health wellness and mental health stigma. On the other hand, sharing information about Impostor Syndrome is our passion and this month, we’ve decided to share OUR stories in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. We know that even though Impostor Phenomenon, also known as Impostor Syndrome, is NOT a diagnosis or illness, but it is a phenomenon that may potentially manifest into further issues if not addressed over time.
Below, you will read the story from each member of the Therapy of the Sun team. We will have Diana and Maggie, our two amazing interns for Spring-Summer 2020, as well as Lupita, the owner and founder of Therapy of the Sun- they will all share their experience with Impostor Syndrome.
Diana Blanco
“During my last year of undergrad, I decided to apply to the M.S in Counseling at CSUF. I knew that it would be hard to go back to school if I took a year break so I applied right away. I also knew that the program was impacted as a lot of students apply every year, especially for the Latinx emphasis program. I felt confident that I would at least get an interview but deep inside I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it in the program; I was conflicted. I remember the day of the interview, sitting in my car crying because I was so scared that they might ask me something I wouldn’t be able to answer. When I got the acceptance letter the day after the interview, my first thought was “This is a mistake, they sent it to the wrong person”. I refreshed my email about twenty times waiting for a second email saying, “sorry, that acceptance letter was meant for another student”.
As an undocumented student with DACA status, I felt that I was taking someone else’s spot. The uncertainty of my future made me believe that I would be wasting that spot in the program by going, because at the end of the day I didn’t know where I would be in two years when my work permit expires. This is just an example of what goes through my head when I am making decisions in which my legal status can affect the outcomes and my options.
I first learned about Impostor Syndrome during undergrad; I didn’t know about Impostor Syndrome until I attended workshops where first-generation students shared how they felt about being in grad school. This helped me normalize and understand why I was feeling the way I did. I have learned to accept that I need to be flexible with what life throws at me, but I have also learned to give myself credit and know that I deserve these achievements because I worked hard for it.”
Maggie Peña
“Imposter syndrome is something that I have been dealing with since I began college. As a first-generation student of color, it can be quite easy for me to fall into the “I’m not good enough to be here” hole. My imposter syndrome kicked into maximum overdrive once I transferred from my community college to UCLA. I vividly recall an episode where I was sitting in lecture during my first quarter and not understanding a single word my professor was saying. For many nights I would cry myself to sleep (or not sleep at all) because I felt too inept to belong and succeed at such a prestigious institution. The worst part is that I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. Not even my own parents.
Eventually, I learned to navigate most of my college journey with self-doubt. Every piece I wrote, every project I created, I submitted it with the fear of being caught. Caught being a fraud. Caught being a student that Admissions accidentally accepted into their school. However, as I grew older, and as I began my own healing journey (mainly through therapy), I began to recognize and acknowledge my own potential. Knowing my own strengths and capabilities is an act of resistance. I remind myself that I am becoming the person I have needed my entire life. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I am me. I am intelligent. I am enough.”
Lupita Martínez
“I didn’t know what Impostor Syndrome was until after college, once I was in graduate school. But now that I look back, it was definitely something I struggled with throughout my entire time away from home. Even now as a professional, I find that I sometimes doubt myself or my abilities and compare myself to other peers who may not look like me.
During my time at Berkeley, I remember feeling so isolated and alone as if I was the only one who felt this way. Growing up in Inglewood, everyone looked like me or shared the similar life experiences. At Berkeley it was different, I was surrounded by so many different cultures and upbringings. I assumed that everyone had a better education than I did, that everyone knew more than I did, and that no one had to work while juggling school. I convinced myself that I didn’t belong- that I would never measure up to the standards that came with attending UC Berkeley. I remember instances where I felt so ashamed for not understanding what was supposed to be “review.” I’d also get so nervous about raising my hand in lecture, typically of 100+ students, because I didn’t want to be that Latina who doesn’t know anything. I created a story in my mind, where I did not belong and where everyone else did. It didn’t help that I was typically one of a handful of Latinas in these lecture classes too- but ultimately I felt like I had failed, because for the first time in my life, I was no longer the person who raised their hand confidently knowing the answers to a problem.
What a whirlwind it was to go through all this in my undergrad! Although these thoughts are no longer as frequent, I still feel that self-doubt when I go into professional spaces where people may not look like me, talk like me, or come from the same background. As someone who specializes in Impostor Syndrome, I now know that the inner work it very important in order for these thoughts to not design our life outcomes- it is important for the inner work to be done in order to recognize our self-worth. I know now that I do in fact, belong in these spaces for more than just my intelligence but also the reasons I thought I did not belong in the first place. I belong in these spaces for my story and for my resilience.”
As you can see, we all had a different experience with Impostor Syndrome. We may not all come from the same backgrounds or share a similar experience, but we all felt the doubt and the fear. I hope that if you see yourself in these stories, that you find support through a peer or mentor because experiencing impostor phenomenon can be very isolating and lonely. Over time, if these feelings/thoughts worsen, they can also manifest into a bigger issue. So the next time that you start to notice that inner critic creep up, remind yourself how you got there to begin with- chances are, you’ve done some pretty badass things that made you worthy of being there.
We appreciate you taking the time to read our stories. Gracias.